[banderado84]

Bakit luhaan yung biik while crossing da street?




BABOY DAW KASI NANAY NIYA:lol: :lol: :blush:

[VILLALOBOS]

joke joke time

Q:why was the chicken. afraid of the chicken?

A: because he was chicken.

[banderado84]

...sinong artista ang pwedeng ipamulsa or kasya sa bulsa?








Edi si........ Mykel Jackstone:lol: :lol:

[Camarines]

Sinong James Bond ang taga Batangas?

Si Sean Connery (Singko Neri)

[Kidd Sentencia]

Bakit Gloria ayaw resign?



Wala kasing Mic!

kurne...

Kidd

bat ang manok tumitingala sa langit pag umiinom ng tubig? nagdadasal(Diyos ko sa dami ng ini-inom ko bat hindi pa ako umiihi)

[stinger]

Ano ang dahilan ng pag-pagpatalsik kay Erap at kung saka-sakali si GMA?


"An envelope ousted Erap. A tape will probably oust GMA. Only in the Philippines: Office supplies topple 2 Presidents!"

[VILLALOBOS]

chicken joke

who tellls the best chicken joke?
COMEDI--HEN

what does a chicken wipe his beak.
A HEN--KERCHIEF

what do you call a chicken with disability.
A HENDICAPPED

why did the rooster file for divorce?
HE WAS TIRED OF BEING HEN--PECKED

if a rooster lay an eggs on the middle of a slanted roof,, on which side will it fall.

NEITHER SIDE , ROOSTER DON'T LAY EGGS.

[cris trinidad]

Q:sino ang pinakasikat na artista sa pinas?

A: e di SI-KATSUPOY!

ngok! ngok! ngok! ngok!

ANG KORNIIIIIII!!!!

:lol: :crazy: :crazy:

wala ako maisip e...

[poorboy]

camarine, kung si singko neri ay tiga batangas, sino

naman ang holywood actor na tiga panggasinan????







eh di si anthony quinn (antoni quein):lol: :lol:

[Soseng]

Bakit tumitilok ang manok???


alangan naman tumahol yan :lol: :crazy: :lol:



Soseng

[hanae mori]

CAR ACRONYMS:

ACURA

Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AMC

A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe

AUDI

Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.

BMW

Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backwards


*to be continued


:rbounce:

ang galing ni hanaeko! bwahahahahaha

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you're driving & looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor & dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a Broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't their mouse-flavored cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Can fat
people go skinny-dipping?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Smile! :lol:

[hanae mori]

CAR ACRONYM (continuation)

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

DODGE

Drips Oil & Drops Grease Everywhere
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dead Old Dog Going East
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment
Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive



FIAT

Failed Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It Again, Tony!
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD

Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
First On Race Day
First On Recall Day
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fails On Rainy Days
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Fault Of R&D
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Fireball On Rear Denting
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Flipping Over Results in Death
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
Foot On Road Decelerates
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Formed Of Rejected DNA
Forwarded Once; Return Denied
Forward Only; Reverse Defective
Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
Fork Over Repair Dough
Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Frequent Opinion Really Disappointed
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Funny Old Rattling Dump
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot

GEO

Good Engineering Overlooked

GM

General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Gluteus Maximus

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Generally Mediocre Cars
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gods Mechanical Curse
Got More Crap
Great Mountain Climber
Great Motor Car

GTO
Gas, Tires, Oil

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles
HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP
Just Eats Every Part
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Just Empty Every Pocket

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG
Money Guzzler

MGB
Might Go Backwards


MUSTANG

Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

OLDSMOBILE

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
old ladies driving slowly making other behind insanely late everyday

PINTO
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

PLYMOUTH
Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PORSCHE
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH

This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless

:rbounce::lol: resourceful lang wilfred..... maybe we should come up with something original...

[arneld]

Aling Martha's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.

Since she had to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter and I'll send you a cheque. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under Any circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!

When the repairman arrived at Aling Martha's flat the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she said, the dog lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "SHUT UP, YOU STUPID, UGLY BIRD!"

To which the parrot replied, "GET HIM, SPIKE!"

[hanae mori]

lol.....:lol: :rbounce: :rbounce:

[hanae mori]

eto pa :

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...

Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."

Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.

Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.

Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.

Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.

Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.

She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.

Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.

Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.

Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.

Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.

Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!

Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".

Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.

Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.

You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.

Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.



:lol:

[banderado84]

Use BE COOL and I'LL BUY in a sentence.



...The tourist went to Mayon volcano in I'LL BUY, BE COOL.

[banderado84]

Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.




...(phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
:lol:

[banderado84]

Use DEDICATE in a sentence.




...Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan.




Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.



...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.

[g-ayo]

Use Curtain and kitchen in a sentence.


" OUCH! PWEDE BA WAG MKO CURTAIN KASI masaKITCHEN! "
BWEHEHEHE!:lol: ??????.....corny!:lol:

[g-ayo]

BAKLA sumali sa away,..NAPASUBO! aaay!

BAGONG TULI nagyabang,...LUMAKI ANG ULO! ngek!

BULAG nakapatay,...NAGDILIM DAW ANG PANINGIN! bwahaha!

Tindera ng SUKA,...TINOYO! bwehehehe!

TEACHER nagkamali,...Tinuruan ng LEKSYON! ahay!

BASURERO nagsampa ng kaso,...BINASURA! hehehe...

TUBERO,...NAGKATULO! ouch....

Misis ng PHOTOGRAPHER,...NAKUNAN! aruy....

:lol: :teeth:

[banderado84]

Use AFFECT in a sentence.



...Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.



Use DELETION in a sentence.


...The balat of DELETION is crispy.



Use SECOND THOUGHT in a sentence.


...Hindi pa bumibili ng bagong kotse ang mag-asawang si Pedro at Maria dahil magse-SECOND THOUGHT pa daw sila.



kurne :blush:

[banderado84]

REPORT CARD TIME:



Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

[banderado84]

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married
men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no
use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a
new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a
woman - before marriage and after marriage.

[VILLALOBOS]

HUSTLER HUMOR
WHY DO PROSTITUTES MAKE MORE MONEY THAN DRUG DEALERS?
COZ THEY CAN WASH THEIR CRACK AND SELL IT AGAIN.

ETO PA
A HOOKER'S FIVE MOST CHERISHED CUSTOMERS,, AND WHY
1- JAPANESE GUYS----SHORT DICK; LONG YEN (NO OFFENSE)
2-JOHNS WHO FEAR THE POLICE--GET IT OVER WITH QUICKER, BETTER
3--GUYS WHO STASH EXTRA MONEY IN THEIR SOCK--SELF EXPLANATORY.
4-REGULARS WHO TIP OR OVERPAY---DUH
5--PREMATURE EJACULATORS---RAISES AVERAGE HOURLY INCOME.

[hanae mori]

Words that you or I would commonly use for one meaning, have a completely different meaning to parents in a family...

AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

DEFENSE: what you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.

DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you from falling into financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

OWWW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words.

WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".

:rbounce: :rbounce:

[arneld]

A lonely old lady, aged 75, decided it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

"HUSBAND WANTED. Must be in age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants must apply in person."

On the second day of the ad, she heard the doorbell ring. Much to her dismay, when she opened the door, there sat a man in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. She asked sadonically, "You're not expecting me to consider you, are you? Just look at you - you have no legs!"

The old man smiled. "Therefore no chance to run around on you"

She snorted. "You have no arms either!"

Again the old man smiled. "Nor can I beat you!"

The old lady raised her eyebrows and gazed at him intently. "Are you still good in bed?" she asked.

The old man grinned and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I? :crazy: :lol: :crazy: :lol:

[paulajay]

:lol: :lol: :wow:

[Soseng]

nice one arneld :lol: :lol: :rbounce: